Sermons

Series: Signs & Glory

Title: "Why do our relationships suffer? Part 1

Scripture: John 4:10-26

Bottom line: Christians can have great relationships. They inevitably suffer, however, when we prioritize them over our ultimate relationship-Jesus Christ.

1. INTRODUCTION

2. CONTEXT

3. SERMON OUTLINE

4. CONCLUSION

5. NOTES

6. OUTLINES

7. QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER

8. DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

9. MAIN REFERENCES USED

My opening prayer: Lord God, help us grow to be and do like Jesus, while abiding in him and leading others to do the same.

INTRODUCTION

A great follow on Twitter/X is Gretchen Ronnevik. She's a middle-aged wife and mom of a large family raised on a farm. Homeschools, writes books, is biblically astute, and drops some great wisdom on Twitter/X.

She recently shared this:

“I watched the father who sat in front of us today (in church) manage his squirrelly kids by not reprimanding them, but rearranging the seating so he was sitting in the middle of them, and they all just leaned into him and relaxed, and there’s just a whole sermon there.” @GretchenRonnevikon X

I share this beautiful scene as an example of a healthy human relational interaction between a father and his "squirrelly kids". How was he able to do that without getting frustrated or angry with them?

I don't know this man at all but I would suggest that perhaps it's because he prioritized his relationship with Jesus even above his relationship with his children. This is what I'm getting at today when I ask the question of Christians especially, "Why do our relationships with other people suffer so?"

Prioritizing Jesus doesn't guarantee anything. But like the Proverbs, which are not promises or guarantees, they are rules of thumb that indicate that when you follow the proverb, you'll usually reap the reward the proverb says generally happens.

Ex. "Train up a child (Discipleship) in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." This is not a promise. It is a rule of thumb that parents would be wise to follow. But we all know parents who did this and yet their children did not walk in the way of their parents and the Lord.

But, usually, they do.

Andy Stanley, a pastor in Atlanta, shared one time at his Drive Conference their parenting goal:

Raise up their kids in such a way that when they are grown, and have a choice, they will still want to come home to see you.

The Leaky Cup

• Imagine trying to fill a cup with a hole in the bottom. No matter how much you pour in, it keeps draining out. That's what happens when we expect people to do what only Jesus can--our relationships suffer under that pressure.

The Misdirected GPS

• A GPS set to the wrong destination can take you miles off course. In the same way, when we center our lives on anything other than Jesus, we end up lost— and so do our relationships.

How many times have we seen a dating relationship cause a friend to leave his personal convictions and even his or her friends and forget who they are all for the sake of that one, unhealthy relationship. They forget who they are and how they lived.

The Unanswered Text

• Imagine a friend pouring their heart out in a text message, but you never reply because you're too distracted. This is how we often treat people around us— missing opportunities to love, serve, and share Jesus because we're too focused on ourselves.

The Wilted Garden

• A garden neglected will wither, no matter how good the soil was at first.

Relationships suffer when we don't invest in them, just like our relationship with Jesus weakens when we neglect time with Him. But with care and attention, both can flourish.

Nicky Gumbel reminded me this week about the illustration the teacher of Ecclesiastes teaches us about the 3 cords of a healthy relationship. This is how Nicky described it:

"Better Together

I have never been very good at using visual aids. I am not a very practical person. On the other hand, my great friend, Nicky Lee (who, together with his wife Sila, has pioneered [The Marriage Course](http://www.themarriagecourses.org/try/the-marriage-course) and other courses for couples and parents), is extremely practical and often uses visual aids. When he is speaking at weddings he sometimes uses a visual aid to illustrate the passage in Ecclesiastes 4, where the writer says, ‘*Two are better than one*… A cord of three strands is not quickly broken’ (vv.9,12). As a picture of marriage, Nicky takes two strands of different coloured wool and weaves them together. Together they are stronger and yet they can quite easily be broken. Then he takes a third strand of nearly invisible fishing line. With this third strand, it is almost impossible to break the two pieces of wool. (I did try to use this illustration once but, for reasons I cannot remember, it went horribly wrong!) The point that he makes so well, and that comes out of the passage in Ecclesiastes, is that while friendships and marriages are wonderful gifts, having God at the centre of a friendship or marriage provides an invisible thread of enormous strength. In today’s passages, we see how two are stronger than one in marriage, mission and ministry."

The Bible with Nicky and Pippa Gumbel, Classic Version, 2025: Day 52 • Devotional

Every relationship's success and health depends on this fine, infinite cord of unconditional, sacrificial love. Our relationships inevitably suffer when we do not prioritize this eternal relationship above all others. John will illustrate this several ways in this passage.

Last week, he showed us that when we prioritize our relationship with Jesus, we'll cross all kinds of barriers that prevent us from having healthy relationships with those who are different than us: race, ethnicity, nationality, political preferences, economic class, social class, education, language, gender preferences and disphoria, fashion, sense of humor, and even college football team preferences.

CONTEXT

Jesus left Jerusalem to keep the peace with the disciples of John the Baptist and throw water on the religious leader's attempt to divide and conquer.

Jesus heads back towards his home region but chooses to take the shorter but more contentious route--through Samaria. It is in Samaria where the half-Jews live that centuries of hostility remain. John writes that Jesus "had to go" this route for he only did what his Father led him to do. Clearly, his Father had work for him to do among the Samaritans...and Jesus' 12 disciples.

Jesus is heading towards his public, Galilean ministry. John is now walking us through a series of encounters Jesus has with individuals. Nicodemus was first. Now, as Mikey showed us last week, he meets with the unnamed woman at the well. The comparisons and contrasts are stunning and show us that Jesus' mission of mercy and hope is for all--not just the Jews. Not just the wealthy. Not just the educated. Not just the religious. Not just the men. Not just the healthy. Not just those who think they have it all together...but I digress.

We will continue in this passage for 3 weeks total. Last week and next week, along with this week, will help us answer the question, "Why do our relationships suffer so?"

This is a valid question for anybody. But it's especially relevant for Christians. After all, aren't Christians supposed to have healthy relationships? Isn't that a fruit of the Spirit? If so, then why don't we? That's what I hope to uncover this week and next.

SERMON

Bottom line: Christians can have great relationships. They inevitably suffer, however, when we prioritize them over our ultimate relationship-Jesus Christ.

Why do our relationships suffer? In other words, how do we prioritize them over our ultimate relationship in Jesus Christ?

Because...

1. [LAST WEEK] We let cultural barriers keep us from having them. (1-9) We are afraid to relate to people different than we are. (This was PART 1, last week) Instead, we should

   1. Cross ethnic barriers (Latino, black, Asian, white, European)

   2. Cross nationalistic barriers (USA, Canada, Mexico)

   3. Cross political barriers (Independent, Democrat, Republican)

   4. Cross language barriers (Hispanic, Portuguese, ASL)

   5. Cross societal expectation barriers (traditional like opening the door for others; men wearing hats inside, white collar, blue collar workers)

   6. Cross gender barriers (men, women, trans, LGBTQIA's)

   7. Cross economic barriers (poor, rich, middle class)

   8. Cross professional barriers (retail, hospitality industry vs medical field, financial services)

   9. Cross educational barriers (USC/Clemson; college degrees, advanced degrees, tech college, no degrees)

2. [THIS WEEK] We seek true satisfaction in places it cannot be found (or we settle for less than)(10-15)(PART 1)

   1. It's only found with people in a faithful community of Jesus Christ

   2. You personal relationships cannot live up to your expectations ultimately

3. We respond to conviction with excuses instead of humility, repentance and faith. (16-18)

4. We worship without knowing the truth. (20-26) The truth is...

   1. The written word.

   2. The living word. (Cf. John 14:6)

5. [NEXT WEEK] We ignore or get distracted from the Harvest. (27-38)(PART 2)

6. We don't embrace and/or share our story/testimony. (39-42)

CONCLUSION

"This interruption to the encounter provides an opportunity for us to consider the situation from the perspective of the church and its failures. The disciples were already beginning to fall into the trap of allowing their view of 'church' to be conditioned by the cultural and ethnic baggage of their day. Jesus therefore makes them think again. Their surprise at the conversation they had observed was a symptom of the prejudice that lurked in their hearts and of their failure to grasp what Christ's mission entailed.

Jesus' response is to ignore the food they had taken the trouble to bring and to express, in startling fashion, that the 'bread and butter' of his existence was to do his Father's will (4:34). If they became less, concerned about their stomachs and more concerned about the souls of the lost, then they too would share in that work. With a measure of rebuke, he says to them,

Look, I tell you, lift up your eyes, and see that the fields are white for harvest' (4:35). That rebuke to the. professing church reverberates down to the present day. We too need to be less preoccupied with ourselves and our own petty concerns and more concerned with the eternal needs of a lost humanity.

It may well be that there is some significance in the fact that Jesus speaks of the fields being 'white' for harvest. There are no Middle Eastern crops in fact that are actually white when ready for reaping!

However, the first thing the disciples saw when they looked up was a crowd of people - clothed for the most part, probably, in white robes - coming towards them (4:30). This immediately made them appreciate what Jesus was saying. It was in a human harvest that they were to be involved - and one that was to include even their traditional enemies! The amazing sight of almost an entire village of Samaritans coming to faith in Christ, and their more amazing testimony - 'we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this is indeed the Saviour of the world' (4:42) - is an unprecedented witness to the fact that Jesus is the Christ. The end-point of this circuitous diversion in Jesus' itinerary has been to bring two groups of people - the residents of Sychar and the twelve disciples - face to face with themselves, with God, and ultimately with Jesus in his true Messianic credentials. This also is the end-point of the gospel."

Let's Atudy John, Mark Johnston, pp. 64-65

The bottom line is that...

Bottom line: Christians can have great relationships. They inevitably suffer, however, when we prioritize them over our ultimate relationship-Jesus Christ.

Our marriage would have failed long ago if I hadn't prioritized my relationship with Jesus over even her. By learning to love him more, my capacity to love her has only increased. He's still making me less selfish and entitled.

Our now-grown children would not come home now that they have a choice. And when they come, they bring their own children. (Sometimes they even leave them with you!)

Andy Stanley shared one time their parenting goal: Raise up their kids in such a way that when they are grown and have a choice, they will still want to come home to see you.

My relationship with my dad could get bumpy depending on how much advice he insisted on giving our kids. I remember one time blowing up at him because he was leaning hard on one of our daughters about her future plans. He wouldn't let up and I lost it. Because of Christ, that was not normal for me. So he was able to forgive me and we were able to move forward without long-term hurt or drama.

My relationship with my mom used to be tenuous because while I was in seminary I confronted her on her faith in a pretty harsh way. My desire was a good one (make sure she knew Christ). But my execution was not good. Over time, however, as I let Christ shape me into a more gentle, patient, trusting-in-Jesus person, she was able to see Christ in me and that overcame my clumsy, insensitive sharing with her. Now we have an amazing relationship that I cherish dearly.

Those things didn't happen because I'm such a great guy or we're such great parents. Those relationships have gone well, overall, because we prioritize our relationship with Christ over all others.

As a result, we cross barriers to have relationships with people who are different than us.

We seek true satisfaction in the living water of the Spirit of Christ over any one person or family.

We respond to conviction to sin with humility and openness to what he would have us learn.

We don't limit our worship to a place, liturgy, style, time, building because to truly worship the Lord is to do so in spirit and in truth. We make knowing him through the word a priority because that's our best source of truth about who God is and what he's doing.

We lift up our eyes to the harvest that matters most to Jesus. We have a vision for our lives that puts our relationship with him at such a place, that what matters most to him matters most to us as well. This is where our true priorities are revealed. Do we love the least, the last and the lost around us enough to enter into a relationship with some of them?

We share our story with others. We prayer-care-share like the Lighthouse Movement teaches. We pray for others who are in our personal circles of influence. We care for them as God gives us opportunity. Then we share with them our story and how they can have a better story through Jesus as God opens those doors.

What about you?

Peter puts it all in perspective in his first sermon:

““Therefore let all Israel be assured of this: God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, both Lord and Messiah.” When the people heard this, they were cut to the heart and said to Peter and the other apostles, “Brothers, what shall we do?” Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off—for all whom the Lord our God will call.”” ‭‭Acts‬ ‭2‬:‭36‬-‭39‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Invitation

How do we respond? Answer 2 questions:

Take out a card or piece of paper right now. Write down the answer to these questions:

1. What is God saying to me right now?

2. What am I going to do about it? Write this down on a sheet of paper.

What I hear you saying, Lord, is ___________________.

[my name] is going to believe/do __________________________________________________ as a result.

Finally, share this with your Home or Mission group this week when you gather as a testimony about what God is doing in your life. You don’t have to get too specific to give him praise.

Lord's Supper, 1 Cor 11:23-26 is good passage.

Also, say something like, "Christ has died, Christ is risen, Christ will come again." (past, present, and future)

Pray

NOTES

The phrase “lift up your eyes” appears multiple times in the Bible. Here are some key passages in the ESV translation:

1. Genesis 13:14 – The LORD said to Abram, after Lot had separated from him, “Lift up your eyes and look from the place where you are, northward and southward and eastward and westward,”

2. Genesis 31:12 – And he said, ‘Lift up your eyes and see, all the goats that mate with the flock are striped, spotted, and mottled, for I have seen all that Laban is doing to you.’

3. Isaiah 40:26 – Lift up your eyes on high and see: who created these? He who brings out their host by number, calling them all by name; by the greatness of his might and because he is strong in power, not one is missing.

4. John 4:35 – Do you not say, ‘There are yet four months, then comes the harvest’? Look, I tell you, lift up your eyes, and see that the fields are white for harvest.

OUTLINES

QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER

1. What do I want them to know?

2. Why do I want them to know it?

3. What do I want them to do?

4. Why do I want them to do it?

5. How do they do this?

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

Discovery Bible Study process: https://www.dbsguide.org/

1. Read the passage together.

2. Retell the story in your own words.

3. Discovery the story

   1. What does this story tell me about God?

   2. What does this story tell me about people?

   3. If this is really true, what should I do?

4. What is God saying to you right now? (Write this down)

5. What are you going to do about it? (Write this down)

6. Who am I going to tell about this?

Find our sermons, podcasts, discussion questions and notes at https://www.gracetoday.net/podcast

Alternate Discussion Questions (by Jeff Vanderstelt): Based on this passage:

1. Who is God?

2. What has he done/is he doing/is he going to do?

3. Who am I? (In light of 1 & 2)

4. What do I do? (In light of who I am)

5. How do I do it?

Final Questions (Write this down)

• What is God saying to you right now?

• What are you going to do about it?

MAIN REFERENCES USED

R. Kent Hughes, "John: Preaching the Word" Commentary, Edited by Kent Hughes

Matt Carter & Josh Wredberg, "Exalting Jesus in John"

FF Bruce, "The Gospels & Epistles of John"

RC Sproul, "John"

Köstenberger, "John"

DA Carson, "The Gospel According to John"

Mark Johnston, "Let's Study John"

Leslie Newbigin, "The Light Has Come"

Patrick Schreiner, "The Visual Word"

John Piper, “Look at the Book”

Walvoord, Zuck, “The Bible Knowledge Commentary” (BKC)

Warren Wiersbe, “The Bible Exposition Commentary” (BEC)

D Willmington, "The Outline Bible" (OB)

"NIV Study Bible" (NIVSB) https://www.biblica.com/resources/scholar-notes/niv-study-bible/

"Chronological Life Application Study Bible" (NLT)

"ESV Study Bible" (ESVSB) https://www.esv.org

"The Bible Project" https://bibleproject.com

Nicky & Pippa Gumbel bible reading plan app or via YouVersion

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