How to Build Your Family to Thrive During Chaotic Times | Colossians 3:18-25
Series: Colossians: Supreme!
Title: “How To Build Your Family to Thrive During Chaotic Times”
Scripture: Colossians 3:18-25, Ephesians 5:21-6:9, Matthew 7:24-27; 1 Cor 6:19-20; Romans 6:17-18
(Commentary helps listed at the end)
Last week’s Bottom line: We exchange the gross life for the good life when we embrace God’s peace and God’s word as God’s people…with thanksgiving.
Bottom line: When we gladly submit to God’s design as the blueprint of our family, we (with our spouse) will build our home/family to thrive even in chaotically evil times.
Opening story: Matt 7:24-27 parable of how to build your family to thrive in a world of chaotic evil. This is Jesus’ summary and fitting conclusion of application to his “sermon on the mount” which is essentially his kingdom manifesto.
He ends this with how to build a family that will thrive in chaotically evil times. Boy do we need to hear this!
Foundation = Rock = Jesus Christ = Living word
Sand = any other foundation material i.e. the worldly philosophies
House = Family (Home):
Place of rest (in every way)
Place of refuge from the world (relationally+)
Place or base of operations (missionally)
Rain, floods, winds = storms of life (from all directions)
Hear only = foolish living = devastation
Hear + Obey = wise living = stability, security, peace
Genesis 2-3 show how God created a good world and how humanity wrecked it by our sinful and rebellious disobedience.
Domestic code of Paul’s day included gender confusion, domestic role confusion, and the evil slave/master dynamic.
At the same time, God says that all people, tribes, languages, ethnicities and nations are equally precious and valuable in his eyes. He send his son Jesus Christ to die for the sins of all people. That’s what we mean when we talk about the cross.
Transition: In a world and at a time when the world is trying to redefine the family, we must cling to God’s original definition and design if our families are going to thrive in these chaotically evil times.
Paul’s outline shows 3 pairs of relationships in relation to the male leader in the home.
In order of priority they are:
Wives/husbands (marriage)
Children/fathers (family; parenting)
Slaves/masters (work/culture)
Ultimately, God is our authority. All submission to people is submission to God when done correctly.
My Outline: (based on Outline Bible)
I. Wives (3:18)—Should respectfully lift up their husbands.
God said it’s “not good for man to be alone” Gen 2:18
Marriage - one flesh Matt 19:1-6, Eph 5:31
Submit ≠ obey like children or slaves are to obey; it’s in context of mutual submission per Eph 5:21
Submission is a voluntary offering of self to another in willing support motivated by glad submission to Christ who died for you
Submission is not
Abusive
Tyrannical
Domineering
Arrogant
Controlling
II. Husbands (3:19)—Should sacrificially love their wives.
As Christ loved the church and gave himself for her (Eph 5:25)
Sacrificially
Selflessly
Responsible for her emotional, physical and spiritual needs (ultimately met by Christ)
Out of his love for Christ
Undeserved, yet freely given
Aside: “Marriage is a covenantal union that can be defined this way:
A sacred and exclusive union
Performed by God
That spiritually joins the husband and the wife with the bonds of
Sacrificial love and
Unconditional devotions,
Reflects the relationship of Christ and his church, and
Is ceremoniously celebrated and
Physically consummated
Before the Lord.
III. Children (3:20)—Should humbly listen (obey, honor) to the parents; to hear is to obey.
Eph 6:1-4 First command with a promise
Exod 20:12
Out of submission to Christ
IV. Fathers (Parents) (3:21)—Should faithfully lead their children.
Parallels submission to their Heavenly Father and teaches this, even as submission to both parents is appropriate and implied here.
Home - where children’s hearts are cultivated to love God and submit to his authority.
Parents should:
Disciple their children
Discipline their children
Not discourage their children
V. Servants/Slaves/Employees (3:22-25)—Should diligently work for their master/boss/employer.
Not advocating for slavery.
Staying silent on this institution for the simple reason that there’s a battle to be fought first that lays the foundation for victory later achieved.
“Through the example of Christ, the apostles understood that the great rest need for social and cultural change was a spiritual transformation through the power of the gospel.” -Pace, p. 110
VI. Masters/Bosses/Employers (4:1)—Should justly provide for their slaves/servants/employees.
His purchase of our freedom/forgiveness establish his ownership of us.
1 Cor 6:19-20; Romans 6:17-18
Christ is our ultimate Lord and master, King and authority over all of us. He created us and redeems us!
Christ modeled this by being equal to the Father and yet submitted to his command to come and die for us. Should we do any less?
“Paul’s instruction for masters and servants mirror his emphasis for all members of the household: ‘Whatever you do, do it from the heart, as something done for the Lord and not for people.’” (3:23)
“This verse (3:25) summarizes and reiterates his general directive for all believers in v. 17” reminding us:
WHAT we do matters “whatever you do”
HOW we do it matters “do it from the heart” and
WHY we do it matters “as something done for the Lord”
This transitions us towards the Lord’s Supper where we remember why we do all of this—because of what he did for us at the cross.
Conclusion
Back to Jesus’ parable about the 2 houses and the 2 foundations:
“The assumption in Jesus’ parable of the wise and foolish builders is that our homes necessarily have to endure a barrage of torrential storms.”
“The assurance of his parable is that those who build their homes according to God’s blueprint can withstand life’s onslaughts.”
In other words:
Building on the world’s philosophies will lead to family collapse.
Building on the Lord’s blueprint will lead to stability, security and peace despite the devastating storms around us.
Bottom line: When we gladly submit to God’s design as the blueprint of our family, we (with our spouse) will build our home/family to thrive even in chaotically evil times.
Pray
Lord’s Supper, 1 Corinthians 11:17-32
Other
My notes
Paul is giving his plan for building the church by building families. It’s built around the shared leadership of the parents who are equal in value while complementary in their roles.
Leadership is built around male leadership (1 Cor 5 & 11). There are 2 considerations here:
Male headship was clearly a cultural issue. Men ran the world in nearly every domain and therefore called the shots in most homes and arenas. Our culture has changed much of that for the better as women are more empowered than ever before. This is good for women, girls, the family and the culture.
Male headship is clearly a theological issue. Men are called to be the head of the home by God. While this goes against the grain in western culture in particular, the NT points to the creation account and the fall of humanity as the main reason for this. Eve was deceived, the apostle Paul wrote in 1 Timothy. She and Adam are both accountable for their rebellion but Paul points to Eve—not Adam—as the one deceived implying that Adam, unlike Eve, knew exactly what he was doing and yet did it anyway. In short, Eve was deceived. Adam intentionally rebelled. That said, and because Adam was created first, God appears to have ordered his family design around male headship.
We see this here in this passage as Paul talks marriage and parenting.
Aside: I can see how this might not sit well with women today. After all, I often feel like Anita is a much better spouse and parent than I’ll ever be. But God isn’t’ making this call based on our abilities. He’s basing this decision on his original design which has been distorted and corrupted by sin at the Fall. So he’s letting it play out as he tends to do with sin. Sin has consequences. Genesis 3 explains that one of those consequences is that husbands and wives will have a contentious relationship in marriage and parenting. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
It is not inevitable.
But it is out starting point.
By God’s grace, we can and should learn how to grow in our maturity as we learn together how to love unconditionally as fellow sinners saved by grace.
Other notes
I. “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting to the Lord.” 3:18
Ephesians adds, “For the husband (not just good ones) is the head of the church his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
This is not saying wives are to be a doormat.
This is not saying wives are to be treated poorly.
This is not saying wives are to be less than God made them to be.
Women are equal to men in value and worth in God’s eyes.
Women are skilled with many abilities just like men are. Often their skills exceed those of men.
Wives are complementary in their roles to men, however. God did not give husbands and wives the exact same roles.
Men lead the family ultimately as they follow the Lord.
Women give birth.
Wives are to help their husbands succeed in leading the family well.
Husbands need their wives for the family to be healthy.
Women are free to do just about anything her husband can do. The Bible only rules out shepherding a church or group of men.
Women are born sinners just like men are.
II. Paul turns from wives to husbands to place the full weight of the accountability and leadership on husbands when he calls them to “love your wives and do not be harsh with them.” (3:19)
There is a lot more in Ephesians 5 to go with this. Mostly, it’s love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave his life for her. He’s willing to die for her even if she’s been unfaithful to him. To me, this is the answer to the man who wants to leave his wife who’s been unfaithful to him. Did Christ leave you when you were unfaithful to him? I didn’t think so.
This is the kind of love we’re talking about—unconditional, sacrificial love. One for life. As long as we both shall live.
If you have regrets about past marriage decisions, I hurt for you. Living with these regrets is no way to live. If you wish you had it to do over, confess your sin—your part of the pain. Own your part of the broken relationship. Repent of your sin nad then believe that God is faithful and just to forgive you of your sins and will cleanse you of all unrighteousness.
This relationship’s health impacts parenting big time. If you’re struggling with your kids misbehaving, one common reason is because they feel insecure because they sense the disunity and lack of love between their parents. They may not see it consciously but they sense it. They know things aren’t good. This causes them anxiety which manifests as misbehavior or worse. They feel insecure.
Remember, Paul is giving us God’s plan for building a healthy family, church, culture and world by reminding us this flows from our identity in Christ. When we follow Christ, we love and respect like Christ.
When we follow Christ’s blueprint for the family we…
Gladly submit to one another as unto Christ
Love one another as Christ loved us through the cross
Are self-controlled bearing spiritual fruit with our spouse and kids
Teach and discipline our kids to respect, obey and honor authority starting with God and parents (1st commandment with a promise)
Lead humbly and respectfully our co-workers and subordinates
We do all of this with sincerity of heart and reverence for Christ
We do it looking forward to our inheritance
We do it per Matt 7:24-27–because its wisdom; not foolishness
This sandwiched between 2 sections on how to move from the gross life to the good life.
Setting our hearts and minds on things above
Putting off sin and self
Putting on the new self being renewed daily through
Scripture
Holy Spirit
Church family
Remembering who we are in Christ
God’s chosen people
Holy
Dearly loved
Behaviors befitting of our Lord and Savior
What’s your foundation: Rock or Sand?
Sand—Worldview of entitlement, blame, and selfishness.
Rock—Worldview of selfless, sacrificial love for all people surrendering al land gladly submitting to proper authorities starting with God at home.
Hearing the word AND doing the word.
Cross-references
Ephesians 5:21-6:9
Matthew 7:24-27
OTHER ILLUSTRATIONS:
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MAIN COMMENTARY HELP:
Exalting Jesus in Colossians by Scott Pace
Preaching the Word: Philippians, Colossians and Philemon commentary by R. Kent Hughes
ESV Global Study Bible
Bible in One Year by Nicky Gumbel
Bible Knowledge Commentary
The Outline Bible, Wilmington
Paul for Everyone, The Prison Letters, NT Wright’s commentary on Philippians and Colossians
Gospel Transformation Bible
NIV Study Bible
The Bible Exposition Commentary, Warren Wiersbe